The Lord and I spent an hour together in the middle of the night last night. No brilliant light or booming voice, just a really loving Father having a "man to man" with his son. He put His fingers on several areas in my life that are slipping and stealing from me and my family.
The major issue involved...unbelief. I have been living with a nagging worry for the past few weeks. Worries about money, direction, provision, health and other things have been haunting the corners of my emotional house. The Lord highlighted this fear. He stirred me to pray about it. I began to ask the Lord to take it away. No sooner had I asked than it was gone. Only after it had lifted did I realize the burden that fear had been on my heart. It had crept in slowly and stealthily over some time and I had not realized how much of my time was spent in a place of fear. Without my conscious knowledge I had become a person bound by worry. I quickly learned however that fear was only a symptom of the much deeper more insidious reality within me. The Holy Spirit took me to several issues in my heart all of which were branches off of the same root system; unbelief. He told me that none of these were mature in me yet but if we did not deal with them now they would soon blossom as I continued to agree with the unbelief I had allowed to take root. I was quite shocked at the level to which my inner life had been shifted by this thing, and by how subtly the changes had taken place. The Lord showed me that the enemy did not attack my faith directly with some claim like, "there is no God" he knew that wouldn't work. He did it by convincing me to turn little truths a fraction and by not allowing me to question thoughts that arose in my own mind. I would never have said verbally that I did not believe God loved me, but my experience of God's love was greatly diminished and I did nothing about it. I would never have said out loud that I doubted God's provision for me and my family, but I began to do things in such a way as to hedge my bets. Little dishonesties here and there that made life easier rather than all the truth all the time; etc etc etc. This my friends is the path to backsliding; inch by inch not leap and bound.
Then he brought me to the thickest and most powerful branch. I saw it in my mind's eye. It was white and smooth. I could not see the top or bottom of it but when He touched it my whole body twitched. "This is the worst one and has been growing for a long time and yes it is a branch off the root of unbelief" I heard Him say. I asked Him what it was but I already knew.
"Religion" he said making a disgusted face. "This one will take some time to uproot" He said and I came out of the dream or whatever it was at that time. I had said yes. I have said yes over and over since that moment. I want it gone, but it is going to hurt.
I suspect there will be more sessions like last night. I welcome them with trembling.
Grace and Peace my friends