I have been in a deeply unhappy place that last few weeks. I couldn't shake it. I had some good days and some bad, but the baseline of my emotional reality was unhappiness. I had been in dialogue with the Lord about this for a while. I was not getting any answers, not until today.
Last week I ran across Psalm 74:25-26 "Whom Have I in Heaven but you? And beside you I desire nothing on the Earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" This has been a favorite for years, and I knew the Holy Spirit was highlighting it for me but I still didn't really get it! Today the Lord confronted me in this.
My problem is this - I have been asking for blessing. I have been reciting God's promises to myself to "encourage myself in the Lord", but I have been reinforcing my own idolatry and worse I have been prostituting the Lord to serve my idolatry! I have idolized provision,blessing, money and favor. Don't take me out of context here. God loves to provide for and bless His children, but He hates anything that steals our affections from Him. I have exalted God's gifts over His goodness.
Father I ask you for forgiveness now. I openly and publicly confess to idolatry and longing more for your gifts than for your presence. I have been a fool! I ask you now oh God to change my heart. Turn my eyes away from these things that pass away and set my heart on fire desiring the eternally worthy God. I have been so unsatisfied because I was made to be satisfied only by you! Forgive me Lord! I pray now the prayer of Moses from Exodus 33 - SHOW ME YOUR WAYS THAT I MAY KNOW YOU!!!! Don't send me forward from here unless you are going with me! SHOW ME YOUR GLORY!!! It is YOU I desire. Forever. Amen