Have you ever been asked about your plans, future, and or dreams and had nothing to say? That’s where I am right now. Not because I don’t have plans, and not because I don’t have dreams, and not because I don’t have some inkling of the path that lies ahead, but because I don’t know how to make the concrete realities God has placed on my insides expressible to anyone else. There are people all around me who love me and are….concerned, or wondering, or maybe even slightly worried about what my next steps are. I have stepped out of the ministry that consumed my life and I am not stepping into anything else right away and I understand why that might confuse some people. So they are asking me what I am doing next. I don’t have plain English answers for them, or at least not one solitary answer, I have a thousand! I have found myself simplifying my answers down to phrases people can get their heads around but I feel bad about that because I’m not being entirely honest. The truth is I simply don’t have words for the phase of life I am in. The closest I’ve been able to come is “preparation and consecration” but I don’t have an answer to the questions “preparation for what?” and “consecration to what end?”
What I know is that I am running after Jesus. I know it is not supposed to look like what “running” looked like before. I know it is not supposed to BE like what “running” looked like before. I am after deeper, more valuable treasures than I was after before. I am after living a life that is incarnational. I want to BE like Christ or at least be the tiny reflection of Him that I was created to be. What does that look like?
I just don’t know, but it doesn’t look like what I look like now, and I can’t stay on the path I was on before and get there.
This is the indefinable priority.