I was confronted by the Holy Spirit this morning (He is doing that a lot lately He is so jealous for my heart!!). I was asking the Lord about some emotional struggles I've been in the past couple of days and He brought me back to a point of disobedience that I had a couple of days ago. I was supposed to talk to a friend about a particular issue, I felt the Holy Spirit pushing me to do so at that moment. I knew I should but I rationalized about it and disobeyed. I didn't talk to my friend.
The Holy Spirit said that I made that decision out of fear, and that fear was brought on by pride. He said that my, "yes" to the spirit's of fear and pride gave them permission to mess with my head in other areas. It has held me back from worship, and a great deal of what God has had to say to me over the past few days. Now I have been in a period of personal revival for a couple weeks. I have been really enjoying a new level of intimacy with the Lord and a fresh desire for Him that has continued to grow and grow, but I noticed a sharp drop off over the weekend. The problem is that I went ALL weekend without asking Him what was going on. I spent the whole weekend closing my heart down and allowing myself to drift away. I found myself being drawn toward temptations and had a really bad attitude most of the time. My wife and kids hated the sight of me. Sunday was the one bright spot. I knew then that the Lord was calling me out of that darkness but I couldn't figure out how it had gone so far. Then the Holy Spirit hit me with this bomb this morning. I repented and feel a lot more freedom and responsiveness to the Lord in my heart but I cost myself something wonderful.
The enemy uses little doors to get into us in big ways. He is very good at that. He looks for the chinks in your defense and uses them for all they are worth. He finds the places where we are week and worms through into our lives and takes control. Any and Every agreement with him is dangerous because it opens the doors for his influence and action in your life. However Any and Every agreement with God opens our lives to his influence and action in our lives and we desperately need that!!!
So Father I confess my own Pride and Fear before my blogging friends and I ask you Father for you forgiveness and your help. I ask you to help me to see when the spirit's associated with these things send hidden darts into my mind and to refuse to agree with them. I renounce ALL agreements that I have made with Fear and Pride in Jesus name and reject all authority that they have usurped due to my agreement with them! I restore all authority to Christ in my life and ask you Father to teach me to say YES to every prompting of your Spirit. I want to live, eat, sleep and breathe agreement with Jesus and His will for my life. I choose the better part that is Christ. He is the all-satisfying, all-delightful, all-loving, ever flowing fountain of my joy and I drink deeply of all that He gives right now in Jesus name.
One more little note. I want to encourage myself and anyone that might read this to invite the presence and the leadership of the Lord into every aspect of life. I know that I often either don't want his leadership or don't seek it because in some way I feel I don't "need" it in that place. I get into the routine and eb and flow of everyday life and my heart shuts down to the presence and leadership of the Holy Spirit. I am asking the Lord to wake me up when that happens so I can keep my heart open to His call.