The last two weeks of the life of the Hawkins family have been…interesting. I don’t really have one word to sum up everything we’ve gone through. We’ve been overjoyed and in the depths of depression. We’ve been full of faith and barely holding onto belief; Angry, Elated, Surprised and disappointed.

We found out two weeks ago today that Rachel was pregnant. After three years of trying that was astounding and wonderful news. I say “was” pregnant because we lost the pregnancy on Tuesday of last week.

The question “why” is the most constant of questions. I have begun to hate my need to know why things happen. God has decided that in this life we will rarely, if ever, have an answer to that never ending question. To God be the Glory Forever.

That’s what I have learned. To God be the Glory Forever. God is sovereign. God is free. God is Holy. God IS LOVING. The reality of the universe is that ALL that happens, whether we like what is happening or we hate it, WILL bring Him Glory and does come from His hand. If I am truly a lover of God I will be satisfied with this result. I may not be “happy”, but I will be full of joy. The eternal weight of the worth of God is paramount. I can rest and be consoled in the ABSOLUTELY TRUE knowledge that He is good, He is loving, and He knows what He is doing, but the joy of every situation comes when I really believe that this too glorifies my Lord. The worth of God was again upheld by the only hand that can uphold it; the pierced hand of Jesus. When I am honored enough to be a part of His glory being upheld I will be glad.

How truly oxymoronic is the Christian faith. Where my sorrow is my joy, and losing my life is finding it. The cross is the way to life and humility the path to exaltation. Oh God just keep me close because I am weak and frail, and the more I walk with you my king come consume me with your worth.

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